It's All For the Children

I had not watched an episode of "Jon & Kate + 8" prior to last night's earth-shattering episode that "changed everything." I knew a little bit about the young family, parents in their early 30s, having a set of twins, then sextuplets. I know that they were the vanguard of a variety of shows, "18 and Counting" being another, giving viewers a window into the lives of such large families. I knew the kids were precocious and cute; I knew that the wife had the reputation of a bossy nag sort, and that the husband spent a good amount of time staring blankly into the camera.

I also know that organizations like Focus On the Family brought Kate Gosselin along to speak on marriage and parenting. At some level, my interest was piqued based on this knowledge--how would a high profile marriage of two formerly regular people, self-identifying as Christian, handle a storm when they know the world is watching?

Unfortunately, like half of all marriages whether they are ever on TV, they chose to begin the process of ending the marriage in divorce. In their interviews, they called it "separation" which has legal significance, but in their context, I'm not sure if they were making a distinction.

Throughout the episode, both Jon and Kate emphatically stated that their children were their primary concern: they are separating because its better for the kids if they don't fight in front of the kids; they are continuing the show because it provides the kids with the best opportunities" and on and on. I found the whole episode to be unfortunately self-indulgent to their own whims and fancies. Jon declared that he was proud of himself for finally sticking up for himself to Kate's perceived dictatorship. What is there to be proud about that sticking up for himself is separating himself?

Admittedly, in a show like this, there is editing, so it is difficult to draw definitive conclusions from something manufactured. I drew some anyway:

1. Pastor Todd was 100% correct in his sermon from a few weeks ago that you risk damaging the proper intimacy in the husband-wife relationship when you invite outsides "under the chuppah" or into the marriage bed. Jon and Kate did not or could not communicate with each other. I have no doubt that being in front of the cameras, confessing and speaking the American viewing public about their personal lives severely damaged their ability to communicate with each other. What is real? What is show? At a certain point, you lose your identity and become who you are portrayed to be. Communication would have eliminated about 99% of the trouble these two seem to have as problems with their marriage. I would love if they took the opportunity to seek counseling from someone with the worldview of a Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, who authored "Love and Respect" or go through the series itself.
   
2. There is hope for this marriage. I know the ominous "Epilogue of Doom" said that they have filed for divorce, but nothing is inevitable. This was not a relationship created by television under a house of cards. The first 7 years were without cameras. I have hope for their reconciliation. I also had hoped that they would decide to end the TV show, but contractual issues may have prevented that. TLC and lawyers may have told them that if they quit the show, they would lose tremendously, from the house to resources to maybe a lawsuit against them that would have just added to the marital stress. I don't know. But I think that getting out of the spotlight would help this family. But when you watched the final scenes where they went to the restaurant and sat together, you can see that there is something to work with there.

Paul, in Ephesians, says that marriage between a man and woman is a representation of Christ and His church. In the Old Testament, God allows His chosen people Israel, to be separated from Him for periods of time (such as the exile), but He never divorces from His people. So if Jon and Kate were to simply have separated (without all the court filings) for a time to intentionally work towards coming back together, it would not, in my opinion, be a totally bad thing. But when separation is treated as the first thing you do before you sign the divorce decree, that is wrong.

Christ makes a very strong stand against divorce in the Gospels. We, the church, who are forgiven for our adulterous and rebellious natures by our faithful Bridegroom MUST treat our own marriages with the same seriousness and grace. When marriages within the church can better reflect the glory of Christ, the world will take notice.

UPDATE (2:30 pm): TMZ and other websites are reporting that Kate Gosselin is the one who initiated the divorce proceedings yesterday. Details are vague on why she took this particular step when she took it, but I think it is in direct contradiction to scripture that she has initiated the divorce proceedings and am very disappointed.